When A Bigger House Makes It Easier To Disappear

Mom and dad come home mentally and emotionally drained from making decisions all day. Then their teenage son or daughter has a problem. Grades are slipping. There’s parenting to do, and that means more decisions when they’re already exhausted.

I think that exhaustion can shape the kind of home people want, sometimes without them realizing it.

With enough space, a kid can disappear into the rec room, head out to the basketball court, or spend an hour and a half in their bedroom on TikTok. Mom and dad get 40 minutes to catch their breath, have a glass of wine and sit around the campfire. For a little while, there’s no problem in front of them to deal with.

I can see the relief that arrangement offers at the end of a tiring day. But a house that makes retreat easy also makes it easier for everyone to spend the evening apart.

That’s what concerns me: the way a desire for a breather can become a pattern of separation built into the home.

When we think about how a home shapes family life, I think we need to picture that tired evening. Where does everyone go? How easy is it to stay apart for the rest of the night?

Wanting a breath makes sense to me. I also think we need to look honestly at what we’re making room for, and whether the relief we want leaves us less available to our kids.